Can I just have a taste?

Seemingly innocuous words, but ones which I dread.  Not that I have a problem with sharing food.  It is the mode of sharing of those who tend to make such requests that I have a problem with.  Rather than carefully removing some food with a clean utensil to their plate, or pouring some of the drink into another vessel, they are almost certainly going to dive into the middle of your dish (to 'get a taste of everything) with their already used saliva-covered (and frequently partially food-covered) fork or spoon, or to drink directly from the straw or cup.

Sometimes they don't even wait for an answer, or for that matter, even ask!  Once a workmate saw my freshly purchased smoothie, said 'I wonder how that tastes', grabbed it and drank from it before I could react.  I had not even had a single sip at the time, but my immediate reaction was 'well, you can have it now'.  I was not at all impressed, as the drink had cost $6, plus a fair walk down the street, which had been quite an effort in 38 degree heat, pregnant and with joint problems which made walking painful.

I am very happy to share, and think that each buying a different dish and then transferring some to each others plate before eating is commenced is a great idea. But, for me, someone partaking directly from my cup or plate renders the drink or food inedible.  I understand that some people have absolutely no problem drinking or eating directly from the same dish as others, but I am not one of those.   I respect their right to share amongst themselves as they see fit, appreciate the generosity of their offers, and do not offer any negative comment on the practice.

Interestingly, though, I have found that those that 'just want a taste' so rarely display the same courtesy.  They will request again - 'come on, just a taste', 'I don't have any bugs, you know'.  Pull faces of disapproval and disappointment.  Comment to others if around 'oh, I'm so easygoing, I have no problems sharing' (although, in my opinion, someone can hardly be considered easygoing if they cannot accept easily a 'no' in response to their request).

Recently I travelled with one of these people for a week. The first day of our trip I spotted a place selling green tea and sweet bean desserts.  This is something that is very difficult to find in Perth, so I was really looking forward to dining there.  I made my selection, and my travel companion (let's call him GG, or Grumpy Guts) made his.  Shortly after the desserts arrived, GG indicated, waving his already used spoon at my dish, that he wished to share.  I told him that I don't like to eat directly from the same dish, and suggested that I use my clean fork to place a portion on his plate.  This would achieve his aim of variety/tasting another dish, so would surely be satisfactory...

Apparently not.  GG sighed heavily and said 'don't worry then'.  A minute later, starting up the topic again, with 'I just don't understand what your problem is'.  My reply that I simply don't like to do this, consider it a little gross to mix my food with another's saliva, was just not adequate.  Clearly I had a big problem, I should learn to share, and he was suffering greatly from my views.  I gave in and let him eat from my dish. He ate happily, and the fact that I was no longer enjoying eating apparently did not diminish GG's enjoyment one little bit.  He did note that I left a lot of my (very small, about 1/4 the size of his) dessert, as I avoided eating any of the food his spoon had made contact with.  My stated aversion, together with the fact that I could not enjoy much of the dish, would surely be enough that in future he would leave my food alone, right?

But no.  Starbucks the next day, food hall noodles, bubble tea, anything I chose, GG wanted a taste of.  Each time he asked, each time I said I would rather not, each time he would sign, pull the face, shake his head and say he just didn't understand, he just wanted to try it. Would provide examples of his own sharing, or potential sharing ('if my mother didn't have a bottle of water but I did and she was thirsty, I would offer her some').  Very clearly affronted by my great selfishness in not wanting to share (and not even not wanting to share! but rather in not wanting to share by his method!)

On the last day of the holiday when confronted by the guilt trip yet again, I asked GG why he kept on asking when he knew that I didnt like to share, and told him that he was ruining the food/drink for me.  He insisted that he just kept on forgetting, but his reaction, his arrogance in thinking that I should be like him in this (any other) respects, the tone when he said each time 'oh, that's right' (not, 'sorry, I forgot' which would've been more appropriate,although of course hardly convincing after so many times), frowned and shook his head indicated otherwise.  That it was a deliberate effort to bring me around, if not to his way of thinking, at least to complying with his wishes.

I really am not sure what the problem is.  We all have different ideas, preferences, aversions, and the important thing is that we respect those of others, surely.  And I do believe that I have the right to decide what to do with my food/possessions/time, at least to a greater extent than a friend does. Or am I just an unreasonable, saliva-phobic fussy destroyer of fun?

You don't know me

Most of you who are reading this don't know me at all in real life.  Some of you who are my facebook friends have seen photos of me, my children, my holidays and so have a feeling that you know me somewhat.  But, there is so much about me that is not really known...is only 'known' based on what I say.  I say I am single - but how do you know?  Have you seen this acknowledged by people that you know for sure know me well, live in my city, know my family?  I say I am an accountant?  But how do you know?  From photos that I have posted of my office?  That does not say that I am an accountant...it just says that I work in an office.  Or perhaps just that I visit an office sometimes.

The fact is, people just don't know who they are dealing with online.  We can chat, we can talk on the phone.  Even meet.  But, unless we know someone in their 'regular' life, we can be sure of nothing.  I know this for a fact.  I have seen people with apparently full profiles, including photos of their house inside and out (large, three story with extensive grounds), of dogs, of the orchard they owned, with a job as an investment banker, and with extensive travel behind them.  Now, I have a very good memory.  And, perhaps due to my profession, am very awake to inconsistencies.  I saw a few, I probed.  Turns out none of this was true - the guy in question had not travelled as he said...did not live in the 3 story house but rather in a 1BK...and worked in a caryard.  None of these bad points in themselves...but they became so due to his deception.  And they impacted very negatively on some others.  One girl, that went from the US to India to meet him, but was shocked to find the truth that emerged under her Uncle's questioning.  Another,that had met him when visiting family from Canada, not only believed that she would be marrying him, but sent money to his 'sister' to buy him a gift after his terrible motorcycle accident (all lies, the email account of the sister was actually another identity of his).  So, it shows just how far and for how long people can be deceived.

I am not saying that I am not who I say I am.  But, I am asking you to consider just how much you know me. Photos of children and of me or, perhaps, of an unsuspecting friend or stranger, can easily be obtained from Picasa, flickr, photobucket or the huge number of websites that provide stock images.  A character can be feigned.  I tell people that I travel, that I work hard.  Perhaps I am on welfare and actually bitterly jealous of those who do.  Perhaps I see some of you as more fortunate...and want your money.  Perhaps I see some of you as 'hot' and want your body.  Or maybe I am just looking for acceptance and respect that I could never find in my real persona.  But, you just don't know.

Maybe now you will start checking me out.  On different websites.  By google search.  Searching by username, searching by email if you know it.  Checking the posts on my blog to see if there appears to be any comments by people who know me 'in real life'.  Checking my facebook to see if there are neighbours, friends from school, family.  That it is not just a list of people I found through groups or friend suggestions, or other connections.  Whether people on my friends list are tagged in my photos.  Do it.  Please.  Do it before trusting me with your facebook friendship beyond limited.  Do it especially if you plan to meet me.

I am not saying people on the net are generally bad.  I am just saying, please be careful.

The trigger for this - I see this guy back on facebook...he has an open profile.  Once more, he is adding NRI girls from North America.  I can't warn them.  But I can warn you.  All is not necessarily as it seems.

How much is one life worth?

In the last day there have been reports in the Australian media about Claire Murray, a 24 year old who has only a few months to live unless she receives a new liver.  Opinion is divided on whether she should.  The reason:  Claire is a drug addict.  Claiming to be reformed and prepared to embrace this new chance of life, but in reality 'clean' just 8 weeks.  Anyone who has known addicts will know that this is no assurance...especially as it is likely that at the moment she is living in somewhat of a controlled environment.  Claire has even less credibility than other addicts...for just last year she received her first liver transplant, but took drugs again after.                                                                          

As an alternative to putting her back on the list of those waiting for a liver donor, the government is proposing to fund a live  transplant (where part of the liver of a family member is transplanted) in New Zealand (as such procedures are not carried out in Australia).  Cost is estimated at $230,000 or about 9.5million rs.  An amount that if applied elsewhere, particularly in areas where water quality or lack of food is an issue, could save so many more lives.  Should Claire be funded for another transplant?  I feel very sorry for her family who face losing her...but at the same time find it difficult to justify spending so much money where it will likely fail again  And where there are alternative uses that are assured of success.

This is not an isolated incident.  Frequently there are cases where huge amounts are spent to save or even just to improve the life of a single person.  In rescues from yachts at sea, cliffs or other dangerous situations of the individual's own choosing.  In provision of aides at school for children with disabilities. In expensive medical treatment for a huge amount of people.  It always interests me to think what this cost is balanced against, which is the saving of so many on our planet who have not even the basics.  In any situation, people tend to become emotional about the one - for some, naturally as it is their own family member, for others, simply because they find it easier to feel compassion for an individual rather than the 'statistics'.  There is no right answer, but I never see these questions raised in the media, and I wonder why...