4 People that need to be pushed out of the plane.

In the last year or so I've 'enjoyed' 18 flights on 8 different airlines.  So I have had a fair amount of time to observe my fellow traveller.  Most are of course nice, normal people just hoping for a peaceful flight and perhaps some sleep.  But some really make you want to risk opening the door and just shoving them out of the plane:

1) The Space Invader.  Like the charming Australian man I was seated next to on my most recent flight.   Keeping arms not just firmly on armrest, but over into my space at least 5cm. And exerting pressure (a lot given his size) whenever I moved my arm.  Fortunately most men stop at the armrest, finding merely possession of the armrests on both sides of them enough territory acquisition to feel 'manly'.

2) The negligent parent.  The one who is concerned only that their little angel shall be amused, or that they can have some rest.  Who lets the little angel stomp about the plane even while all others are trying to sleep.  Or run.  Or turn around and find amusement in the passengers behind.  Sure it is not fun travelling with kids, and I have all sympathy for the one who is doing their best to stop their baby crying.  But plane travel is not the time to let them do as they wish.

3)  The foot up on seat person.  Like the delightful woman on the flight to Singapore on Christmas night.  Feet up and a little onto my seat, and of course, just to be truly revolting, using her fingers to clean between her toes.  One step up is the European charmer who decided that she need to stretch out more, so put her foot up on my armrest (she was in the seat behind) so that she could be more comfortable.  Discovered when I felt a foot on my arm.  Which was removed when I concentrated all the body weight I could manage and pushed down with arm on the offending foot.  I'm not mean.  She totally deserved it.

4) The pillow/blanket stealer.  Freaks.  First I encountered was an older (but not elderly) woman who leant forward in her seat and actually dragged the pillow out from under my arm.  Which was fully in my seat area, as I tend to lean against the side of the plane rather than recline...plus I prefer to avoid annoying the person behind by risking it falling back on them.  So no question of ownership - especially as she already had one.  But apparently needed more comfort.  European charmer also offended in her quest to turn an economy seat into something approximating business class.  During the meal she took my blanket and pillow which was down by my seat so I could eat.  Of course, when confronted she returned them and made up some lame excuse.  But of course the actual reason is that she is one of those who is so convinced of their own importance that they feel entitled to more than others.

Perhaps next time I will follow the advice that is circulating on email at the moment (yes, I know, it is in bad taste...and yes, I know it would be at the risk of being taken off the plane, but it would be so funny :D):

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start it up.
4. Make sure the fellow traveller who is annoying you can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky and move your lips like you are praying.
6. Then click here